prophet_marcus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
prophet_marcus) wrote2005-08-07 09:07 am
prophet_marcus) wrote2005-08-07 09:07 am
One More Day
I'm sorry if I seem to be obsessing about my impending divorce, so feel free to just skip over this.
In just about 24 hours, Trish and I are scheduled to appear before the judge and officially put an end to 19 years of marriage. I wish I felt better about the whole thing. I'm more nervous about the divorce than I ever was about the wedding or marriage. This is easily the biggest thing to happen in my life since the birth of my Alex. And for that, I had practice in the birth of Eric. This isn't like anything I've ever been through before and I have no roadmap for how to deal with any of it.
I'm terribly conflicted. One the one hand, Trish has made it clear that she'd rather live with wolves than with me. She left the house and the family and left me with everything to deal with. In any sensible terms, I owe her nothing.
On the other hand, I have this damned inconvenient sense of honor. It tells me that I placed no conditions on my love or marriage vows. It tells me that once we are divorced, Trish has no health insurance and a number of medical problems.
On the gripping hand, I need to be free. I need to cut this cord and try to live my own life, just as Trish chose to live her own life. And once again, I'm left trying to pick up the pieces. My fear for myself and for her mixes with my sorrow for the life I lost and also the anger of how Trish dealt with everything when she was with us, and how she left us.
Left me. The divorce concerns my children, but it shouldn't really alter their relationship to her. But it ends forever what I spent 20 years trying to make work.
All I can hope for now is that I've gotten all of the paperwork right and there are no bureaucratic delays. "If 'twere done when 'tis done..."
Thanks for listening. This should all be over soon.
In just about 24 hours, Trish and I are scheduled to appear before the judge and officially put an end to 19 years of marriage. I wish I felt better about the whole thing. I'm more nervous about the divorce than I ever was about the wedding or marriage. This is easily the biggest thing to happen in my life since the birth of my Alex. And for that, I had practice in the birth of Eric. This isn't like anything I've ever been through before and I have no roadmap for how to deal with any of it.
I'm terribly conflicted. One the one hand, Trish has made it clear that she'd rather live with wolves than with me. She left the house and the family and left me with everything to deal with. In any sensible terms, I owe her nothing.
On the other hand, I have this damned inconvenient sense of honor. It tells me that I placed no conditions on my love or marriage vows. It tells me that once we are divorced, Trish has no health insurance and a number of medical problems.
On the gripping hand, I need to be free. I need to cut this cord and try to live my own life, just as Trish chose to live her own life. And once again, I'm left trying to pick up the pieces. My fear for myself and for her mixes with my sorrow for the life I lost and also the anger of how Trish dealt with everything when she was with us, and how she left us.
Left me. The divorce concerns my children, but it shouldn't really alter their relationship to her. But it ends forever what I spent 20 years trying to make work.
All I can hope for now is that I've gotten all of the paperwork right and there are no bureaucratic delays. "If 'twere done when 'tis done..."
Thanks for listening. This should all be over soon.