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The Wastelands
Oct. 24th, 2007 03:18 pmBack around 1980, a friend of mine wrote a song she called "The Wastelands". It referred to her bed. The image came to her one night when she was lying awake, missing her lover. She realized she could reach out to both sides and touch nothing - not the edge of the bed or the warm body she would have preferred to be there.
This came to mind this week as I was lying alone in my bed. It's been six years or so since anyone has regularly shared my bed. Four since anyone has been there even occasionally.
My marriage was never great. We had some good times. Even the hard times weren't always bad times. Overall. when I think back to it, though, it isn't Trish herself I miss. I love her even now, but it isn't her I miss. It's just having someone there, warm and alive, in the bed with me. Or watching TV with me. Just someone being there, around the house. Someone to care about. Someone who cares about me.
Now with Amanda more or less moved out, Eric planning to move out as soon as he can afford to and Alex a senior in high school, soon to follow his siblings, I think more about being alone. I can survive it, yes. But it'll suck in so many ways.
This came to mind this week as I was lying alone in my bed. It's been six years or so since anyone has regularly shared my bed. Four since anyone has been there even occasionally.
My marriage was never great. We had some good times. Even the hard times weren't always bad times. Overall. when I think back to it, though, it isn't Trish herself I miss. I love her even now, but it isn't her I miss. It's just having someone there, warm and alive, in the bed with me. Or watching TV with me. Just someone being there, around the house. Someone to care about. Someone who cares about me.
Now with Amanda more or less moved out, Eric planning to move out as soon as he can afford to and Alex a senior in high school, soon to follow his siblings, I think more about being alone. I can survive it, yes. But it'll suck in so many ways.
